Softly suffering: Witnessing domestic violence isn’t just upsetting; it’s dangerous
Black eyes. Bruises. Scratch marks and stiff upper lips. Those are tell-tale signs of domestic
violence.
Cortisol overload. DNA changes. Those are the signs people don’t see, yet new research shows these consequences could be even worse.
On March 17, VUJC will host a workshop titled, “The Silent Witnesses: Working with Clients
Who Grew Up in Violent Homes,” where attendees will receive training about the effects of domestic violence on its witnesses from Dr. Carla Gaff-Clark, Mental Health and Addictions
Trainer from the Indiana Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Crisis Connection, Inc. is
coordinating the event, and the workshop is already at full capacity.
“We’ve never had this happen. It’s a full month before it’s already happening. I even have a waiting list,” Kris Lasher, Victim Services Coordinator, says.
Apparently, Dubois County is intrigued. While public knowledge has evolved on the physical
results of domestic violence in households, there’s still much research to be done about its mental results, particularly on children. National estimates say that from 3.3 million to 10 million children witness domestic violence in their houses.
“I think the big idea is to say, we’ve spent a lot of time looking at how women are harmed
or how children directly abused get harmed, but now we’re looking at the children who were silent in their bedrooms,” Dr. Clark says.
Her research and others’ have already dispelled a few perceptions. Originally thought that
older children were more likely to be affected by domestic violence, the new research shows that even fetuses in their mothers’ wombs can be affected in a negative way, unlike music or talking.
Brain chemistry and even DNA are malleable at such a young age, and trauma’s impact can lead to anxiety, depression, lessened curiosity, and other ailments down the road.
If those children are continually exposed to domestic violence, their personalities can be
altered. White matter in the brain gets clouded, and neural receptors become rearranged. These effects can lead to increased suspicion and disrupting children’s abilities to learn in school, even in children who were too young to remember the domestic violence taking place.
“Witnessing family violence is a traumatic experience: seeing or hearing a family member
being threatened or beaten can shatter a young child’s sense of safety and security,” Dr. Clark says.
The fear and instability domestic violence brings about leaves its traces. “People I worked with often say, ‘The bruises heal. The black eyes go away. But the psychological abuse is
there forever,’” Dr. Clark says of victims suffering domestic violence. “People in the field
call it crazy-making.”
Though research has uncovered new symptoms of domestic violence, many problems revolving around it remain the same, such as reporting it, which is a national issue. Surveys assert that only 35-40% of victims file complaints of domestic violence, while some studies
suggest that as many as one out of every four women suffer domestic violence at some point.
Lasher believes many communities in the U.S. are still evolving from a closed-door culture. Neighbors, teachers, or other community members rarely questioned what went on in other people’s households, and people in those households didn’t bring it up.
“It’s one of those crimes that’s very silent,” Lasher says. “When someone robs a store, the store owner calls the police. In domestic violence, a victim may be living in a violent home
for years and years without reporting it to anyone.”
Another problem is the sheer entanglement the perpetrator and victim have. They have spent time together, may live together, or, especially complicating, have a family. In public, they may be seen as nothing besides a loving couple. “Most people don’t start off a relationship with a monster. There’s a honeymoon period,” Lasher says. Children witnessing such violence can learn distorted norms of how relationships should be. Boys can decide
controlling their partners’ socialization and money is okay, while girls can decide getting
hit or verbally abused is just part of being in a relationship. They learn this especially if
they don’t see models of good relationships elsewhere.
“Our first teachers are our parents. Children pay attention to what mom and dad do,” Lasher says.
The Silent Witnesses workshop will be held at VUJC March 17, from 1 to 4 p.m. Materials will be provided. Attendance is already full, but there is a waiting list. Please contact Crisis Connection, Inc. for more information at 812-482-1555.
Another problem with domestic violence the perceived gender roles. Although research indicates that 90% of domestic violence involves a male perpetrator and female victim, Dr. Clark suspects such statistics are bent by the fact that men are far less likely to report receiving domestic violence than women. Some men even normalize these experiences to preserve their masculinity. “You woke up in the middle of the night and she had a gun to your head, and you think that’s normal?” Dr. Clark says about one man’s account. “You get angry, I get angry, but we
“You woke up in the middle of the night and she had a gun to your head, and you think that’s normal?” Dr. Clark says about one man’s account. “You get angry, I get angry, but we
don’t pull guns on people.”
Sometimes gender roles aren’t even pertinent, such as when domestic violence happens in homosexual relationships.
“Domestic violence exists in any type of relationship,” Lasher says. “If you have two women, and one woman is controlling the other, that’s domestic violence. It’s not just a man-woman issue.”
Crisis Connection, Inc. works to counter these problems in every way the organization can. When someone comes to Crisis Connection, they maintain a strict confidentiality for the victims’ protection, and often work on developing plans for the victim’s immediate safety.
“The most dangerous time is often when a victim chooses to leave,” Lasher says. “That’s when the gloves come off, so to say.”
Over the years, reducing domestic violence has started to gain more imperative. In the back of the Crisis Connection facility, shelves of donations fill the rooms: cleaning products, new clothes, anything someone starting a new life overnight might need. Though Crisis
Connection needs money above everything else, gifts can have surprising uses. Lasher held a
blanket to her face as if to demonstrate. “When you have a trauma happen, having something warm and fuzzy is really comforting,” she says.
The cycle of domestic violence is a hard one to break, especially considering that children learn the most about relationships from their parents. However, Dr. Clark says that people
outside the family can play a major role
“Coaches, teachers … role modeling is huge,” Dr. Clark says. “The more people involved in a person’s life means there’s more norms for them to see. Teaching young people that they can control their moods, can calm themselves down, is huge.”
As an example, Crisis Connection models healthy relationships through its outreach programs, where staff members visit schools and teach students about healthy relationships. Educating people about what they can do remains one of the largest goals for groups against domestic violence.
Dr. Clark has hosted many workshops in the past about substance abuse and mental illness, and this year’s workshop strikes a personal chord with her, having reported on the epidemic for years as a journalist before gaining a doctorate to learn more how to counter it. One key is to target the witnesses who have been absorbing it silently for years.
“We’re trying to help the children who have slipped through the cracks,” Dr. Clark says. “There’s been a lot of focus on children who were physically abused, but only recently have we started looking at children who were silent bystanders.”
“We often say, we’ll see someone floating down the river and pluck them out before they drown,” Lasher says. “I do believe we are a caring community. Especially when it comes to our children. So, when there’s new information out there that can help our children, I believe
we’ll come together and make that happen.”
The Silent Witnesses workshop will be held at VUJC March 17, from 1 to 4 p.m. Materials will be provided. Attendance is already full, but there is a waiting list. Please contact Crisis Connection, Inc. for more information at 812-482-1555.
